“I just seen my ex girl standing with my next girl, standing with the girl that I’m f*cking right now”
Now, Drake might have sounded cool as hell putting the line over a decent beat, and some of you guys like to repeat it as if it were truth (rolls eyes) and even act like that is real life, truth is, if that was happening, you’d be scared. Dumb scared. All of those women in one place with just you in common…you’re a gamblin’ man.
But why? A while back my girl wrote to ask me to write about this topic. I don’t really know much about it as I have never been in this sitch, but I figured I could give it a go…when your current girl meets the ex…why do men seem so worried? Instead of asking why, I am going to suggest reasons I think it happens and how best to avoid a potentially awkward moment.
You are not who you were with your ex. Now it’s not to say that you are a completely different person or some kind of faker, but what you had with her you might not have with your current girl, and vice verse. Now, why this makes you nervous, well who knows what they will or could talk about. And who knows if what ever they do speak of will wreak havoc on your ass in the manner of an angry girlfriend later. Make the meeting brief if that’s your worry, there is no reason to dive into life stories, just small talk it and keep moving.
Your new girl just isn’t that cute. Yep, I said it. There is a small victory knowing or seeing that the next girl your ex is with just is not the business. That little bit of satisfaction, realizing that he downgraded and basking in the fact that you know it, he knows it and when you meet her she’ll know it too. So as a guy you wanna save face because I mean, she may not be as cute as the last but damn does she cook well or shit she’s smarter. But upon that first meeting, you don’t think of those things, at all. And though you find her attractive, truth is beauty is in the eye of the beholder…and you know how women love to judge.
You’re not over her. Things don’t always end because both parties wanted them to. And new relationships don’t always start because you are ready for them. Sometimes they just happen and you grow into them or realize it was too soon. Either way you still think about your ex sometimes and it’s hard to deny it and it is even more difficult to pretend those feelings aren’t there when you’re face to face.
You treated your ex like trash. Happens. I get why you’d be scared. Who knows what could come out of her mouth. I’d be scared to. I suggest avoidance. No seriously, b-line in the opposite direction.
Funny thing, my girl saw one of my ex’s last weekend, and he was nervous as hell. Okay not as hell but noticeably uncomfortable. His girl was apparently kind of cold and well the whole situation as she put it was “awkward.” But why? I wasn’t there, he doesn’t still like me, and it was years ago so he isn’t expected to be the same person…so what’s the deal? I suppose your present meeting you past is just always going to be be weird. It’s like ‘Back to the Future’. When Marty met himself in the future. He sees what can be or what could be, and well shit is just not that cool. He ducks, he dodges, and he hides so the future him doesn’t see him. (Or at least that is how I’m remembering it years later, and that memory fits well with the post so go with it) There’s just no way to explain who he was, that’s kind of like your ex. There is never a good way to explain her or what you had completely to the next girl, ever. Sometimes it was bad, ended badly and had ugly parts, that’s what sticks out when you tell the story, not the good times you had occasionally that kept you with her. And same works the other way, if it ended well you’re less likely to talk about your crazy fights than you are to paint your ex in a glowing light because she was in fact the shit, but if just couldn’t work out.
In these days of booming technology it is likely your new girl has seen your ex already. It’s that simple. The second she heard her name she either facebooked, googled, twitter searched or linkedin that chick so she could find out exactly what you were working with, so this meeting seems intense for you…but really she already knows. She knows what school she went to, what she looks like, if she gained weight in the last year, possibly even the kind of shit you two did together. I love when someone I know breaks up with their girl or gets a new one and the number of tagged pictures just completely diminishes. Like getting rid of the pics is going to be like it never happened, it did happen and someone is going to see them.
Prepare. Yes, there are some situations you just cannot plan. But there are also some that you KNOW are coming. Act like you know. If you are going somewhere that you could possibly run into said ex-girl, prep yourself man. Go over your game plan in the mirror or shower and get ready for something that could spring up at this mutual friend’s wedding, college buddy’s birthday party, church, the supermarket you two shopped at…where ever the location may be. These are not really surprises. These are things that you can see coming. These are things you can prepare for. Do so.
Lastly, be honest. The questions will come, the inquisitive scenarios will arise and the worrying may even begin, and even if they don’t tell the f-ing truth. If you still talk to your ex, have feelings for her, are friends with her or even keep up with her facebook whereabouts, just tell the truth. Because God forbid the ex brings up “how good it was to talk to you the other week” in front of your new girl. Yikes. There is no reason not to be honest, unless you are in fact trying to make your next girl your new ex girl. In that case do as you please.
As Lauryn said “It could all be so simple, but you’d rather make it hard” if you act natural there is no reason for them not to. My girl always says, “it takes two to be awkward” so go with the flow, not only will it avoid a potentially uncomfortable situation, but you can be sure that it will get you out of an onslaught of questions later on.