“He shoots….and it’s a miss…” PAUSE, wait right there, that ball, hitting off the back board coming back down into the open hands of a man devastated by that last unsuccessful shot…that right there gets less respect than it deserves on and off the court…the rebound. I know all too well as I was a forward in college, I had a decent jumper, but could box out and rebound with the best of them, still can actually. Though clearly that kind of rebound is not the point of this here blog post, as much as I’d like to relive my college days and stats, this here is about the rebound as a person, another entity that you get that next chance with after a missed shot with the last guy or girl. It has always been said, the best way to get over one person is to get under another…
Now, no one ever WANTS to be the rebound, there is baggage, left over feelings, transferring of emotion, the search for what used to be and numerous other wildly unattractive attributes that comes from someone just getting out of a serious relationship. Though there may not be this want, some people when they find themselves in it, will go with the flow, others aka the smart ones, will run…for the mother f-in’ hills. My hat goes off to all of you smarty pants, brava. Others figure they can change the person and still others bask in the glory of it never having to be all that serious and hope to just enjoy the moment or the sex and pray to avoid the emotional bits.
To tell or not to tell?
Well hell, no one ever says “I’m rebounding with you” it’s usually much more subtle than that, but I beg of you guy and girl, be up front about it. The first time you hook up and are laying in bed and she says “that was great I really like you” and you say “ah…don’t say I just got out of a three year relationship…” BUUUUZZZZZ…wrong answer guy. This is not, I repeat is not the time for such a declaration. This time comes before you get her to your place, before you’ve given off the vibes that your available, which technically is true, but rationally is a bunch of bullshit, before all of that, is when you should let her know. Same goes for you ladies, don’t build up his hope and clean out his wallet just to tell him you “just aren’t ready for a relationship again so soon”. These are not the right times, not only are we way too old for that crap, it’s just not fair. It’s a waste of their time and well it’s just kind of cowardice, be upfront, be honest, be respectful. If this other person knows the situation they are potentially getting into they know better how to act and conduct their behavior towards you, they know what they should keep guarded and that is could be going nowhere.
How not to treat them
It is natural and basically expected that someone who is rebounding from a serious relationship will be looking to get that lovin’ feeling back. They fall into their next relationship as if it were a smooth transition from the last. Time spent, attention given, actions taken, all of it is just like they used to do with the one that got away. Don’t do it. They are not the other one. They are someone different. You don’t know this rebound character, you don’t have that connection, they don’t love you, trust me, they just don’t.
In turn, don’t treat them like crap. If you’ve been hurt, sorry, sucks, but honestly get over it. The end is never easy, I am a firm believer in that, but you do not need to let the next person suffer because the last one did it to you. The person in your next relationship should not have to pay for the bad ending of the last. Be casual, ease your way back into dating and treat them with the respect and honesty you would want…speaking of honesty…
…tell the truth
So you ended it, but it’s the rare man or woman that ever really ends something. There are always phone calls, e-mails, gchats, and skypes, things linger, feelings simmer but stay and connections are hard to break. No one faults you for that, but don’t play like it isn’t happening. If you’re talking every day, e-mailing every week or planning vacations together, say it. This mentality where men and women would like to have their cake and eat it too, is ridiculously unrealistic. You can’t have the ex girl and the next girl and think one of them isn’t going to call you on your selfish bullshit. In the same turn, ladies, there is the rare man that will attempt to go up against the last man you loved, I mean they talk a good game i.e. “I don’t care if you have a man…” oh he cares…and will when you play him to the left for said man that you never got over.
In the end rebounding has its ups and down, and on occasion you score on that next shot. In the rare case a rebound can be exactly what you were/are looking for and the openness that you have to a relationship is exactly what you need to meet them. Other times and more often it’s just meant to be a good time. Make sure both of you are having it…