Definition: A Brand New Man is a guy who, regardless of how long you’ve known him will still attempt to test you, and at some point behave as if you two JUST met.
Regardless of whether you’re in a relationship, have had sex, or dated anywhere from 4 weeks to 6 years this man still feels the need to test his limits with you. Brand new men will say whatever they please, whenever they want, and however they see fit. And I’m not talking about honesty, I’m talking about the guy who KNOWS you and will say things that he is sure will push your buttons, just because. They’re brand new because it’s as if they know they’re about to or are in the process of doing some really stupid shit, but they decide it’s best to forget everything you’ve been through, all he knows about you, and that he actually does want to be your man and proceed to act as if he just stepped off the boat and into this land they call relationships and social interaction.
I know, sounds ridiculous, but if you have ever been a victim of a brand new man or are one your self, you know what I’m talking about. Men, you have to be kidding with this shit. Women don’t like to be tested, not even the Bronx Tale test, we’ve all seen it now, the jig is up.* These tests, whether they are physical, or you just you saying some shit and waiting to see if it in fact hits the fan, are not only obnoxious, but they are a total turn off.
No question, men and women both test their significant others or people they are dating. But this blog is about men so I won’t be addressing women.
I am assuming that men test women because they want to know just how much of their ridiculousness we will take, how willing we are to concede to their point, or even just how far they can push us before we start acting crazy and they get to act as if they have no idea why. What men do not consider when they administer these test is that this could be the last straw, her one pet peeve or just something that she doesn’t fuck with. And she could in response to your test decide that she’s just not that in to you.
My best advice is to talk (that is if you really cannot remember who this girl is and really feel brand new). I know, I personally hate that shit, and men even more so are averse to having these conversations and sit downs. But in the days of economic crises, swine flu, wars and pirates who needs to worry about anything else testing our patience, perseverance and sanity? Exactly, so, if you in fact want to know if some shit would piss your girl off or how much you can say or do before she loses it then go ahead and ask, give her a scenario or let her know you’ve been thinking about how she would react to something.
This even works for when she does something that pisses you off, which I am sure we do often. You can tell her” this made me angry and this is why, lets figure out how to not let this happen again”. But doing a similar annoying or immature thing back to her as if to “teach her a lesson” is just never going to go over well, as I’ve said before we don’t need another daddy. This is especially true if you have known the woman for a while. You most likely also know the kinds of things that would really bother her or just put her on the defensive immediately. I know a lot of the time we say things to get a rise out of our girlfriend or boyfriend, but there are some things that won’t just raise her temper, but will also make her raise right up out her seat and out of your life.
I’ve done just that my self. I dated a guy on and off for six years and when things were good, they were really good, but when they were bad they were exceptionally bad. We had some bs in the past on both of our sides, but it felt like a lot of the time I was calling him on something. Long story short I did something jokingly one day, and he responded in what I perceived as an overly sensitive way for someone who was constantly joking on or with me. Either way, from there we some how exchanged a number of text messages starting with him approaching me in an accusing and aggressive way. This went back and forth for a while, it was clearly something that bothered him, but when we decided to talk about it in person he declined and then failed to set another time. And before we could have that sit down, he yet again brought it up over text message (not an awesome idea).** I think some of the quotes from that text exchange included:
“When you’re ready to talk like and adult” and “Are you done filling my inbox with tough talk?”
Now, honestly, you reading this without even knowing me can tell that I am opinionated, prefer respect and don’t like men talking down to me. This man after six years still wasn’t sure how to address me in that way, and thought he would continue to test his boundaries.
Needless to say, coupled with past issues, that was my last straw, history or not. I cannot almost fucks with you in any kind of serious way after all of that. He’ll be a good friend, but never anything more than that.
Reverting back to your brand new mentality makes us question what in the hell we’ve been doing with you for what ever amount of time its been. We are putting this energy into showing you who we are and what we like and in one small question, statement and some times action, you some how make us question wtf we’ve been doing with you and if it all really matters.
Women are impressed easily by men doing things that are out of gender character. Talking will not only save you time and energy from the possible dramatic backlash, but will also win you points in the communication department which is also the friend department. You can be sure we’re bragging to our friends when you do anything that is unexpected and much appreciated.
In the end, I say choose your words, battles and tests wisely. Make sure the possible repercussions are even worth putting it out there. If you don’t care if you see or hear from her again then go for it. But if you think she could be someone to spend time with, why give her a reason to question your common sense?
*For all of you who don’t know, The Bronx Tale test is when you open the car door for a girl and then walk around the back to see if she reaches over to unlock your door. If she does, she’s a keeper. It’s a bullshit test now a day; most of us have seen the movie or heard about it. Apparently to some people I look like Jane (a main character in the film), and so I saw it after being teased in high school. That being said, I love that movie, and have passed that test numerous times. But, in the days of automatic locks, the test is crap and just kind of annoying.
**In the days of ridiculous amounts of technology the ways to get in contact with someone seem endless. But I think that in terms of male/female emotional relationships this progression has only served to complicate things. Sarcasm doesn’t always translate over g-chat, sincerity does not always come across in a text message and anger or passion cannot always be visible in a facebook message or twitter update. Stop typing and talk. Or run the risk of your shit getting all kinds of misconstrued and confused, and have no one to blame but your self.
Next Week: When a Woman Wants YOU to Play Hard-to-Get