We’ve all got them. I have one for everything…to do, not to do, to go, to buy, to see, to call, to blog, wish lists, grocery lists, lists and more lists. Though for a very long while there was one very common list I did not have…a “what I want in a man” list. Yes, a list of wants, needs and must haves in a potential mate. My thought was, if you’re good looking and I don’t hate you, I’ll give it a go. Yes, you read right, not “I like you” just “I don’t hate you.” As you can imagine, this lack-o-criteria led to many dates, and quiet a few…”Well I didn’t hate him when it started…” conversations.
In the past year, I’ve been doing some emotional growing up, as I am sure most people do when they hit 27…or at least start to consider doing. And after, yet another…ridiculous situation where I actively ignored red flags and passed on having any real criteria for the guy I was dating, I decided it may be time to make a “man” list. Now, I have plenty of friends who have these lists, guys and girls a like. Some of them live by them and some of them forget they have them…but they’ve at least made them. Honestly, I always kind of thought they were ridiculous, but then I realized: they’re only as ridiculous as you make them and they’re only as binding as you let them be.
Why They Work
You have a shit ton of thoughts daily about random things, especially when you’re in a relationship and good or bad there are things that you don’t know that you want or don’t want until you get them…or are denied them. So, why not make a list? And no, I don’t mean a running list, but some basics of what you know you definitely want and need to be satisfied in a relationship. They don’t have to be just physical attributes or financial needs, but personality traits, family background criteria, whatever it is you find most important.
As all the creepy cult plans say: It works if you work it! What I mean by that is, stop ignoring all of the damn red flags. When a guy or girl does something that is fundamentally against your beliefs or tells you something that you know without a doubt is a deal breaker, please, please, please, strap on some tits and let them know you’re just not that into them. I know it’s hard because they’re sweet, funny, good company, great in bed…or just the mere fact that it’s winter (been there, trust me). But if you’re in a place in your life where you are looking for something serious, what’s the point in wasting time with someone who isn’t for you just because it’s easier?
Why they’re dangerous
Now, I promote having a smart, working and flexible list. I know that half of you will get this, the other half will finish reading and start their list off like this:
– Brown hair
– Great body
You get the gist…
If your list is made up of superficial and overly narrow criteria, you’re doomed. Now, I’m a sucker for a cute face and a good body just as much as the next girl, but you’ve GOT to be looking for more. You’ve got to know that a looker who’s dumb as rocks is only going to take your so far. You also have to be willing to meet a brunette who is 5’8 and a teacher that could be perfect for you and not reject her because she’s an inch over your height requirement or doesn’t have the job you think she should.
Be flexible with your wants and needs when it comes to certain things. If she treats you amazingly, is fun to be with and has a good job, but her hair is short instead of long, are you really going to stop dating her?
How You Should Use Them
Use your list as a guide. A list of things you are sure will be what you’re looking for in a mate. Some aspects of it you have to decide that you are not willing to compromise on and some parts you have to realize are more flexible. You’ve got to stand for something, or as the saying goes, you will fall for anything, well…anyone.
You can never REALLY know a person until well…you do. So as much criteria as you put together or planning, dating, weeding out, etc. you still may find out some crazy shit five months in that tells you this is not the one. In that same breath, the person you are with could be so amazing that it will open your eyes to things you never even knew you wanted.
- Taller than me
- Has friends – very important
- Laid back
- Enjoys traveling
Yes, that is it. Short, sweet and to the point. (Or at least that’s all I can remember, clearly I haven’t embraced it as I really should be…yet.)
The moral of this story…well blog: Don’t settle, but be realistic. No, there is no problem having an ideal man or woman. No, you shouldn’t be judged for having criteria and standards. But, yes, sometimes, you have to take the good with the not so good. And realize that maybe the one for you does not fit every aspect of your criteria…but as Johnny Mayer says…”You’re not a perfect hand…but I don’t hit on 19.” Know what you’ve been dealt and give it a chance. Plus who knows what parts of their list they could be compromising on…see now I’ve got you thinking…