This section will be dedicated to stories about guys that are making the right moves, saying the right things, and are putting real effort into having their shit together when they approach a woman or in their relationships.
Shoot me an e-mail with a picture if you have a good story about your self, friend or boyfriend that you think should be featured on here as a man of the week.
This man of the week is a write in from a beautiful woman who happens to be totally into a beautiful man. When I got her e-mail and read what she had written I knew that there was nothing about it I wanted to change, no quips I wanted to add to the intro, or lesson I wanted one to learn from this. I want only to say Happy Anniversary Marcus and Yirssi, congrats on a year of honesty, trust and companionship. I am sure there will be many more to come.Below, is why Marcus is in fact a real life man doing things very right…
Week of: January4th- (Posted this week in honor of their one year anniversary on January 6, 2010):
So, I’m not what you’d call a hopeless romantic. I have no problem with those who are and I will admit I have been known to fall into love/like a little quickly in the past. David, well he’s a good guy, not the annoying “I’m a good guy” type, the type that doesn’t have to say it because, well, people just know it. Though many of you may not want to admit it you have thought about the one before. You’ve at least once day dreamed about what she will look like, how you’ll interact and of course what the sex will be like and all of that other stuff. That said…David, the romantic that he is, well he wrote about it. I will admit and told him, I gagged a bit at first, but it definitely isn’t him, its me…read said letter below.
Week of October 26th: David
Dear the One,
I imagine that one day dreams will come true and in this belief there are some things I wanted to tell you, things about you, things to look forward to, and things we might have to work on.
I hope that you are a friend first, because I know that friendship is the foundation for any good relationship and more than anything I want you to appreciate me for me on the very basic level, and allow our minds to explore possibilities that we can’t see by ourselves. I would assume that you would be shorter than me, because I want you to feel safe in my arms and for you to see that I can cover and protect you like I think a real man should. You would most likely be smarter than me, but would never talk down to me or not learn from my knowledge and experience, though you won’t be afraid to check me, when I’m wrong. You’ll know I never have a problem admitting I’m wrong, but won’t concede without a bit of fight. So you will have to be confident in your own right and stand next to me, not behind me.
You’ll be silly and enjoy my corny side. I’ve been told I have a different swagger, and maybe cause I don’t dress like most guys, or wear “fancy Adidas”, but I know you respect the fact that when I speak, that my words could send your intellectual emotions running. I’m sure you will be a little more affectionate than me, you’ll grab for my hand in public and clinch my arm as we stroll in the park, not as in a sense of insecurity, but just because you want to be close to me. I hope our first dates will not be dates at all, but just us enjoying each others company. I want the relationship to come naturally to us, and for everyone around us to swear we had been together for years.
My usually romantic activities; flowers at work, chocolate covered strawberries, breakfast in bed, you’d consider nice, but would not overly impress you. I couldn’t imagine being able to woo you in my first couple attempts. That being said our courtship would require me to actually listen and use my creative juices in order to maintain your attention. I would write to you because the lost art of love letters shows much more than emails, texts, or even phone calls. A letter takes time, thought, and patience, these tools together makes the love letter a lost art. Baby, we live in a time where people really don’t want to use up too much time, and I would be a fool to say that I love you and not want to write you a letter to express it.
Our arguments would consist of me being wrong probably or saying something out of line and you letting me know. Then trying to explain to me why it hurt you, instead of going off you would try and make me see. At the same time we could have a healthy debate without hating each other and we would constantly be learning how to understand each other. Hopefully this will develop early in our relationship, because I can’t imagine being with you unless we had hashed it out a couple of times.
Our intimacy is unexplained. No matter what you are wearing I’m continually attracted to you. I’ll joke that I fall in love with my wife everyday. I realize that sometimes it’s simple things like breakfast in bed, critiquing my outfit of choice, picking up a book on sign language (because you know even after we’re married I’ll be talking about oh how I want to learn). But your beauty will be in everything you are and everything you touch. You will have an amazing ability to make everything around you better even me. So this intercourse (union of two) will always be magical, and it’ll always leave me wondering what took you so long to get in my life and remove any doubt that you are the one for me. We won’t be afraid to try new things in order to spice up our life or as a book my parents once had(Rekindle Our Flame). We will be honest about how we feel and what we want so that there is never a question about satisfaction.
You will be kind, humble, outgoing and so much more that I can’t even write about and more than this short letter can express. I will want you to know that I was looking for you and waiting for you, because I not only dreamed you existed, I believed that God would send me you. There are so many other things associated with marriage that I can’t predict, but as long as you are here with me, I believe there’s nothing we can’t conquer.
It is vital to keep things interesting whether it is the first date or the 10th. Be creative when you think of where to go or what to do. You never know what this new relationship could turn into.
One of my best dates ever was with this real life guy of the week, we went out had chinese in the park, hung out and talked it wasn’t too much, but just right for our first time out. Though I think it turned out to be our last, we are still great friends.
Week of July 26th: Foley
Every first impression has to be the best impression because that is going to be the lasting memory that person has of you!
Whenever I go on a first date… I want the women to leave the date having an indelible experience. It’s not just about going out on an excursion… dates for me are about displaying aspects of my personality. I like to have fun, I like intellectual stimulation, I like physical exertion, and I like to be still. So I plan my dates so the woman can have a glimpse of who I am.
I met Zoe* at a friends get together was beautiful and stunning woman. Fortunately, I was able to beat the pack of wolves vying for her attention and was able to get her number. We conversed and set our first date. I didn’t tell her what we were going to do, but through our conversation, I knew she was adventurous.
So, I was thinking of something different and fun to do and I thought, “hey… why don’t I take her to a gun range and fire off some rounds!” Most guys take a woman on the first date to the movies or dinner, like those venues are compulsory for the first date!
While we were driving out there she had no idea what we were going to do except that it was going to be completely different than anything she had done before. So as we arrived at the gun range, her eyes lightened up, exclaiming that she had never fired a gun and always wanted to (pause).
We had a really fun time, playing marksmanship games and competing against each other. It allowed us to have constructive conversation without all the pretense!
Anyways, this beautiful woman ended up being my girlfriend. We aren’t together anymore, but from what she told me, this was the best first date she ever had…
In the mid-week post this week, my guest blogger mentioned how going to a new place together after you have been dating for a while can keep the excitement in a relationship because you are trying different things together. This is true for all situations, not just food. Keeping a relationship fun and exciting with little surprises and experiences is a perfect way to keep it going strong. This very point is proven in this man of the week’s story. Try something new, plan a surprise, go on a trip, do something to let her know that you want to share new experiences with her…
Week of June 29: Jesse
Making the special occasions count
Jesse: My girlfriend, Annie, and I were coming up on our 6 year anniversary of when we met. We’ve been through ups and downs, a close friend’s death, living across the world from each other (Australia and South Africa), college and jobs, to settling together in Boston.
The first summer we were together was when we fell in love with Boston, and each other. We lived together that summer, with two other friends just before we were about to depart to different parts of the world for 6 months.One day that summer, I left her clues around the apartment that led to the meeting location for our one year anniversary celebration and gift and it had been fun for both of us.
So…this year I had decided to bring back the scavenger hunt anniversary present with style.
It began with a text: “free your schedule for the evening of the June 18th.” She didn’t ask any questions – the surprise was half the fun. I started with small clues – we got off the train one sunny day at Chinatown, “this is a clue,” I said. Over the next two weeks, I emailed and texted more clues: “a taste of Georgia” and even an obscure reference to an architect (the one who designed the Wang Theater). I taped a newspaper clipping to her mirror – just a picture, no words, and a sticky note that said “clue #4.”
Three days before the surprise, she figured out the series of clues: I had tickets for a musical production of “The Color Purple,” just opening in Boston! She loves live music and theater, so I knew it would be a perfect place to take her. We met after work, dressed in outfits to impress each other like it was still year one, and enjoyed appetizers, drinks, dinner, and the show. We didn’t want to leave the theater until they ushered us out.
Life certainly isn’t cheesy everyday, but drawing out a secret, special-occasion celebration certainly makes things more fun for a week or two and scores big points with the lady…
Annie: One big thing he missed: I’d like to point out that The Color Purple is a play about being a strong, independent woman – which says a lot about how much he knows and respects our relationship, and me. Celebrating our 6th anniversary with a ‘girl power’ play? Awesome.
Fitting nicely with my mid-week post on the girl that puts you into the friend category, one of my most favorite male friends (real friend, not “guy I use” friend), told me the story of how he and his lady of a year and a half met. He is the definition of the nice guy, but I know his lady, and she’s awesome, he definitely did not finish last.
Week of June 15, 2009: Edward
Moving out of the Friend Box
So when asked about a successful dating story a few things came right to mind. I felt the need to narrow it down. I then thought of my current girlfriend. There is no need for me to speak of my past when I can reference my current “lady friend” as my students referred to her in their graduation speech. That’s right, this beautiful, intelligent, and incredibly entertaining young lady made it into a high school graduation speech.
After talking to her for a few minutes I realized that I’m pretty consistent in keeping her happy, or so she’s told me, and I go out of my way most times to do so. Then I realized that I should talk about the time before we were us. When I was pursuing her and she was trying her best to play it cool and place me in the friend box. Now I’m all too familiar with the box. I’ve been labeled the nice guy and could describe every splinter, crack, and wood grain pattern within this box. At times I’ve gotten comfortable in the box and at other times I’ve been able to remove myself from said box.
This is the case with my girlfriend of a year and some change. I was able to remove myself by setting an early precedent at what a possible relationship with me would be like. I did all of the things that I continue to do without entirely masking myself and my faults. Not an easy task but I’ve always I repeat always enjoyed and preferred a challenge. This desire to be challenged has driven my approach to women since my high school and college days of accepting any female that gave me the sex eye. Not to say that those that engage in eye intercourse don’t later provide a challenge. I’m only saying that I would accept most girls that tossed it in my direction. Now at this point in my adult life I often quote the late great Tupac when he rapped “I don’t want it if it’s that easy!”
A few months after meeting my girl we made a trip with a group of friends to Six Flags. During this trip I took quite a few pictures. Many of them included her and her only. Now reading this you might think “That’s a bit much…sounds kind of stalker like.” Not the case. This beautiful young lady is not only in love with the camera but if you leave your camera alone with her for more than one minute you might find 10 to 20 solo shots of her. This outing to Six Flags was no exception. There was one shot in particular that stuck out to me after I was reviewing the pics the following day. It wasn’t one of her many self portraits but a shot that I took of her as I was testing out the macro feature on my Sony camera. (It was a gorgeous pic of her eye, but Africa won’t let me up load it)
After looking at it a few times I immediately got an idea. I soon contacted my good friend Jamaal and bounced a few ideas off of him about how we could transform this photo into something more. Jamaal is a very creative graphic artist. What he transformed from my vision was incredible.
Now the following is my advice for giving such a gift to a girl that you like (a little, a lot, the future wife material): It’s risky and a potential deal breaker. I was never overbearing in my interactions with her. I have a laid back approach to everything that I do. I was well aware before I gave this piece as a birthday gift that she would appreciate it. Now did she think it was a bit much? I’m sure she did. I DO NOT recommend giving such a thing as a gift to a girl that you’re interested in, infatuated with, have a crush on, and so on. In my case she was quoted as saying (to a mutual friend) “I think he loves me”. You might be thinking “Yep you over did it, she thinks she’s got you wrapped around her finger.” That may be true. As laid back and subtle as I can be such a gift would catch any woman off guard. In my case this wasn’t the deal breaker. This generous act of gift giving is not what landed me in the friend box.
Unbeknown to me she was still attached to a guy from her senior year in undergrad. I was placed in that box because of him. Even after being somewhat intimate with her she still had an attachment to him. She was open and honest with me about and I understood. I then played the friend role. I’ve known it. I’ve mastered it. I fell back and allowed her to do what she needed to do. I gave her the following gift for her birthday mid September before learning about him.
I was placed in the box a month later.
Two months after that our relationship was official.
I like to think that having this personal piece of art that she hung in her bedroom was one of the things that motivated her back towards me.
She’s inclined to agree.
Coinciding nicely with my post on “How to lose a girl in 10 Minutes” this week’s guy of the week told me a story about the great way he met a girl this past weekend. It should be known that the momentary intense eye contact, which I often refer to amongst friends as the “sex eye” is one of the best ways to meet a guy. It’s when you see a woman, whether it is across a bar, club or two seats down in a restaurant and you notice each other at the same time, lock eyes and then look away. I love that moment because it says come talk to me, or gives me the confidence to come talk to you. It’s hot and its a great way to start a conversation, dance or whatever you’re both looking for…
Week of June 1, 2009: David
The Sex Eye
“So I was with Abe, Paul, and 4 other guys at Hennessy’s on Saturday. The guys made the same mistake they always do pre-game to hard so by the time they got there they were wasted. I was the DD so I took it easy.
I’m just chillin’ at the bar watching them. Each one of them kept going up to every girl on the dance floor, immediately put their arms around the girl and started grinding. Needless to say they all failed. So I’m at the bar, laughing my ass off at how ridic they all looked and I made eye contact with a tall, brunette (my hunny of choice). So I just shot her a smile, and went back to watching my friends.
Within 2 minutes, she comes and stands right next to me, so I say hi we hit it off, and she joins me in laughing at my friends. Turns out she was with a bachelorette party and most of the girls on the floor were with her so needless to say we had a lot to laugh about. Eventually she asks if she can buy me a drink, we go to the back bar, and talked until close. I got her number and left to find the guys. So I round up 3, (no idea where everyone else is) and start walking towards my car.
I see the girl with 2 of her friends trying to hail a cab, which was impossible. I asked her if they wanted a ride home, which she did…I’m big believer in a girl will find a way to let you know if she’s interested.”
And David’s right. We will.