Currently, I am a sparsely paid, lowly positioned intern at a big, well off company. It took me a while to come to grips with the fact that though a Masters means a lot, it does not in fact mean you know absolutely everything…though while it was happening I am pretty sure I read enough to know everything, like in the entire world. Anyways, point is, I am working my ass off, Monday through Friday anywhere from 8 to 11 hours a day to prove to these people that I am dedicated, willing to learn, excited to work for them and will be a positive contribution to their overall operation and daily progress. I am, in a sense courting my company and turning on all the charm I have. When I do get said job (yes, I am speaking it into existence, no I haven’t read The Secret but I get the gist) I will not, I repeat, will NOT change a damn thing. I will still be at work early, stay late, work hard, be willing to learn new things, form bonds and relationships with people I work with, be a good listener and always be open for critique and advice. Just because I’d have a title (and a salary) does not mean I no longer have to put in the effort.
I think most people…especially men…forget this when it comes to relationships. Now, I definitely would not say only men, but I’ve seen it happen more often with them, so a majority of this post will be directed toward guys, and honestly it’s just something to think about, we all have our quarterly evaluations…whether we know we’re being judged or not.
So you’re pursuing a girl/guy, you go on dates, get dressed up, come up with creative things to do with them, surprise them, wine them dine them, and tell them how fine they are, all of those nice things that you do when you’re courting, trying to get them to see how much better off they would be if they chose you, employed you, gave you a full time salary (how ever they saw fit to pay you, *wink*). And then they make you their boyfriend/girlfriend.
And then…it stops. No more dinners out, you just don’t have the money. No more exciting dates, you just wanna stay home and “chill”. No more fresh haircuts, new outfits, working out, clean close shaves, you’re feeling more grungy lately. No more nothing nice, its relationship time. Now, I do know that situations are much more comfortable once you’ve established that you and someone else are exclusive. When you have a title or an agreement, you feel off edge, you are no longer interning, you are no longer auditioning to be the one, they’re giving you a real shot, they’ve hired you. But what I don’t know is why that triggers to people that the song and dance is over. No more effort will be put in.
Now, I don’t know about anyone else or what industry you may work in where things are different, but if you start slacking, aren’t keeping up with work and are generally bullshitting the days away…well let’s just say before you know it, they will notice and your job will be at risk. This should always be the case for relationships. Someone is dating you because they like that you are fun, adventurous, spontaneous, likes to take them out or do nice things. And no, I am not saying every night of the week, but whether someone wants to admit it or not, this is a main attraction and if all of it disappears with the relationship, then so may some of those feelings.
Some people…usually women… are okay with this. Fine they’re not okay, but they deal, they stay in every weekend, don’t force you to take them to nice dinners, and they suck it up when you don’t want to shave or spend money on special nights out, they’re just happy to be with you and though all of the other things made them happy too, who are they to ask for it all? That’s bullshit, they don’t need to be anyone to deserve to be treated, to deserve to be wined and dined every now and then and to have the desire to be with the person they thought they were choosing.
When things change, feelings are not usually far behind. I think we all know, when you fall off, part of it is because you are getting comfortable, but another big part of it may be that you’re just not that into them anymore. I know that personally if I like someone a lot, regardless of how long we’ve been together I want to continue to do things that make me stand out to them. That makes them thankful they’re with me every day. I want to look a way that makes them proud to have me on their arm, at their table or meeting their friends. Call it what you may, but when your mate’s interest in impressing you begins to change their feelings are probably the next to go. Honestly, in this situation, stop leading them on and testing how little you can do and how much effort you don’t have to put in to keep them around and just dump their asses. They’ll be better off because of it. Trust me.
I ain’t saying I’m a gold digger. Don’t get confused, I understand fully and personally that we are still very much in a recession. I am not looking for anyone to go out of their way and spend tons of money to show someone they care, that’s not what love is, but making dinner, buying flowers, drawing a homemade card, all have minimal costs. It’s not going to break the bank if you start a tradition of buying flowers on Sunday morning for your girl or making breakfast every Saturday for your man it means something it keeps things romantic and we all know what happens when the romance dies…
This is my point: Everyone deserves to be treated. I read the quote below on a pretty cool blog a few months ago and I always go back to it because well, it really gave me something to think about. So many of us just settle when we should be being treated, so many of us brush of the changes when we should be questioning them. I have a very close friend that is going through a very bad time with a very inconsiderate man. And I feel worried and sad when I think of her because I know that she deserves so much more as do so many women and it’s often the ones who give so much and get so little in return. So I close with this quote, men, think about it, are you the man you were when you started dating? Is the passion still there? Do you still go out of your way to make the person you’re with proud to be with you? And ladies, have you been treated?
“See I don’t think you’ve ever been treated. You’ve been lusted after, chased, given ultimatums, pinched, poked, prodded and partitioned. But, you’ve never been treated, taken out, treasured, toppled with flowers that flow over you while you sit in a chair where you’re comfortable, and content and I don’t know that you’ve been held and honored and hoped for. You’ve never been someone’s dream. You’ve had your pick, you’ve partied, playacted, and put off. But you’ve never been treated. Your… skin has never been touched like it deserves to be touched, that dare I say delicate skin deserved to be touch in such a sensual way that even Sophocles would do well to write you into a beautiful tragedy. You’ve been trying, but have you ever been treated?”
Just something to think about.