Joni Mitchell said it best: you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone. On top of that reoccurring thought lately, I’ve also been listening way too much to some other musical geniuses (insert sarcasm here) Mario and Gucci, for the last week and damn do I hate to admit it, but I looooove Breaking Up, in my car, on my runs, and walking with my headphones on I’m listening…(sigh) it’s good to get that off my chest. Though what my excessive repeat of that song has allowed me to really get is what the fizzuck they are actually saying. This dude is for real like: I know I’ve cheated, lied, treated you like shit, but damn, I bought you some nice earrings…don’t leave me. Wtf?
This slowly but surely brings me to my point, if you love her, like her, need her, act like it. Honestly, there is really no reason not to, if you are on the fence and you aren’t sure where it’s going or if she is the one that is perfectly fine, but there is no reason to treat her like shit because you’re confused. Your honesty and good character is vital, so that if you realize you’ve fucked up after you’ve left her, you at least have a chance to go back.
Women rarely burn bridges. They don’t like to cut ties, stop talking completely, or have absolutely NO connection with you what-so-ever after a relationship. This is especially true if it was a physical relationship as well. They don’t want to have to say they can’t even TALK to a guy who they have slept with, and they want to know that they could try and get back if the situation was right for both of you in the future. When a woman you are with burns a bridge, you’ve royally fucked up. She is saying she wants nothing else to do from you, no words, no over expression of emotion just to get the last bit of hurt out, nothing, she’s done. She is so done she doesn’t even have to erase your number from her phone because she isn’t even tempted to call you, and knows that even during a crazy night she wouldn’t even accidentally send you a drunk text, because she REALLY is just not that into you at all anymore, and will never be again…and that’s some shit.
You put down the kerosene...and she just may light that match.
I know many guys who have realized just a little bit too late that the one that got away was THE one for them. Some others, don’t know it because it is happening right now, and still others who will try and are trying to convince them selves that they are better off or will be finding someone better soon. Now, its not that there is no coming back from a bad break up or that there is just one person out there for you, but sometimes its just not as easy as one would like to assume.
In my eyes, there is no reason to treat someone that you once cared about at some point, like you could care less if they were laying on the side of road somewhere with one leg. If you are going to lie, mess around or just not treat her the way you want to be treated, then take a break, see how you feel without her for a bit and move on from there, there is no reason to test your luck, which most likely won’t be all that good.
My girl was with her boyfriend for FOUR years, in adult years that might as well be 8 as far as I am concerned. After a certain age you aren’t in long term relationships just for fun anymore. She loved him, moved for him, and tolerated his bullshit, games and inconsistency for a while, until she just couldn’t do it anymore. At some point she realized not only was it not how she wanted to be treated, but that she couldn’t grow with him and as much as she tried to make it work, as much time as she put into it and as often as she ignored advice of others that she could not ignore the inevitable. So after a lot of thought, she told him, she was done. She calmly and confidently told him that it was over for her and she was moving on and moving away, and she did. After four years of all his ridiculousness she was finally done. Not even a week after she had left, he was calling, texting and without invitation buying tickets to come half way across the country to see her, and when he wanted to know if she was excited to see him, she responded with “I don’t care what you do, I didn’t invite you, this is your choice” This is how he knew she wasn’t just doing it for show or to get him back, she was tapping out for good. And he kept his ass right where he was.
No one is perfect, there is no perfect man, woman, situation, relationship, there will be issues, but those issues don’t have to break you. Even if a situation doesn’t seem ideal at the moment, no one says that it can’t change in the next month, week or day for that matter. Whether its distance, a disagreement or just a difficult talk or confession you have to make there is a greater chance of figuring those things out with someone you truly care about then finding someone else who everything works out perfectly with.
I say this hoping that guys will put in just 3.5 minutes more of thought before they do things. Before you kiss that random chick, spout off at the mouth for no good reason, disrespect your girl or even just start doing shit you know you wouldn’t want done to you. If you don’t she just may burn that bridge and if she does you’ll find out if that old saying about there being more fish in the sea is true because you’ll be swimming across it.