If you don’t know, or have never guessed, or have just felt confused about why a girl seems upset by you doing things that you always do, it’s because she came into your relationship almost positive that she could change you. Now, this is not always a complete life makeover they’re looking for, but sometimes it’s a bad habit, a certain interest/hobby or even trying to steer you off the path that you take with most women. She’s sure you’ll be different with her, she’s positive that she is the woman that you need to change your ways, she has no question that you will be the man you were always meant to be when you two are together. And she has to. She has to believe these things to even get into a relationship with you. Yup, she has to convince herself that she is not going to be just like every other woman you’ve dated, had sex with, cheated on or treated wrong, if she doesn’t there is really no reason to date you. This brings me to: the exception.
The Exception, Andre 3000 calls it the prototype, either way, this is the woman you WILL change for. I by no means mean change who you are as a person, or your total outlook on life. But the right woman will make you re-think your womanizing, bachelor, do whatever I want because I want to ways. If you have a pattern with women, 2 months, get close, mess up, break up, etc. that pattern will be broken. If you have a pet peeve and she does it, you’ll look past it. If you’re used to finding that one thing wrong with a girl, and breaking up with her because of it, you’ll get over her flaws. Yes, the exception is usually THE one or pretty damn close to it.
Though you may not be the one right off to a woman, to start seriously dating you most women have to at least think that she can be the one that you won’t cheat on, or the one that you’ll stop flirting with other girls for. When things go wrong, is when she doesn’t see that change immediately or at all. She picks the wrong battles, she tries to get you to stop looking at other women on the street, stop keeping in ouch with your ex’s, call her more often, do romantic things, or anything that may be out of your nature. When she does not see that change she is expecting, or doesn’t even see you trying to adjust, because you don’t want to or are not invested enough in her to do so, it’s frustrating and often confusing. She often then picks a fight, which turns into arguing because you can’t get why she would need you to change if you’ve been getting along fine as you were and she knew who and what you were when you started dating.
I’ve seen countless friends do it, they date the “douchebag” or “serial dater” and think, with her it will be different, he will want to change. He will want a girlfriend, he’ll take her out more, he’ll change his mind about marriage. Now, sometimes it does work out in their favor, but many times it ends up in anger, and girls nights cursing the day he was born.
A girl's gotta try...
I for one think it is ridiculous, not because I have never done i,t no, no, I have, but because if she is the one, you will change without the fighting, bitching and arguments. You will want to be a better man and person in general for the woman that you believe you are meant to spend you life with. You won’t feel the need to cheat and you will be inclined towards doing nice and sometimes out of character things for her. All a woman needs in a little bit of patience; it’s the rare person that can change over night.
When I was 23 I was dating at 35 year old guy, he had his JD, worked in government, drove a nice car and had just bought his second piece of property. He was handsome and funny if not a little too cocky at times. I liked him, and it was pretty much just for fun, but a few months in I got it in my head that maybe, I could be different then the other women he dated and never wanted to settle down with. He was 35 after all, and I figured, I may not want to marry him, but I at least would like to see if I am someone he could really commit to. Why the hell I thought this was possible let alone what possessed me to even want to try knowing good and well he wasn’t the one for me, I can’t tell you. So I tried to be chill, because I figured that me not being too into him like other women may have been would change him into someone who was more interested in commitment, again don’t ask me why. Either way, we dated (non-exclusively) for about seven months or so, but around month six is when we started hanging out less frequently and I was seeing that letting go pattern, canceling dates and forgetting to call, but when we did hang out shit was cool. At first I questioned it, and called him on it, but then I realized that I was not his exception. And so, I let it go.
As most of you know, most women don’t have that fuck the bullshit mentality all the time. They’ll deal with the bullshit, they’ll bitch it out until it hurts, but honestly, what’s the point? There is someone out there that will think that she is worth the effort so why not stop wasting both of your time. For guys in this situation when you don’t know why your girl is mad for things that you “normally” do or about little things that just don’t need to be a big deal this is usually why. If she is worth it, then let her know, that you understand that it makes her upset and you will try, to work on it. Better yet, just stop doing it if it is possible. If she just isn’t that girl, then well bitch it for as long as you can or want and then move on.
So now you know. Some of her nagging may make more sense now, some of the petty battles may seem more understandable though still petty. It’s not the smartest move on the part of a woman, but, you live and you learn. If she didn’t try, you and her may never know if she was your exception.
Mid-Week Guest Blog from a Young Sophisticate Foodie on first dates and more…look out for it on Hump Day
Weekly post: Just Because You Did it With her…why you aren’t really dating the same woman over and over again, and how to stop acting as if you are.