I’m not sure if one blog could tackle the ridiculous amounts of lies and bullshit that I have personally heard over the years, let alone the stories that I hear from my girls on a daily basis, but fuck, I’ve got a bit of time between papers, I’m going to give it a go.
One of the more eye-opening conversations I’ve had on men recently:
Me: So after he text me, I was in shock, why would you ever tell me something like that, but then I thought at least he was honest, and that’s gotta count for something…you know?
Jen: Are you serious? Fuck that, why do men always get the “at least he was honest” pass. I am honest every damn day and no one has given me a pat on the back yet! Is it possible that we are so used to men lying that we give them props for doing what normal human beings who respect you do on a daily basis? That’s crap.
Jen’s right that is crap. I’d like to address two important things for men to know about lying. First is the fact that women can handle the truth. Actually I am sure, much to your surprise; we prefer to hear the truth when it comes to sex, relationships and pretty much everything else, that includes if our ass looks way too big in something. I know that there is the overwhelming belief in the male community that women just cannot deal with the truth. I suppose it’s because we are “emotional” but I think it is because men don’t want to have to face the music or ever be the “bad guy”, well honestly, suck it up and stop lying. Just say that you are just not that into us, there’s another woman you’re dating, or even that you are unsure where the relationship is going (With some tact if that’s possible). We prefer to hear it from you, then to find out later when things have escalated with that girl, or you just stop calling us. We prefer to know what could be coming so that we can at least handle it like a woman, instead of hearing from somewhere else or just realizing that we won’t ever be hearing from you again and then proceeding to go rip-shit and act an ass. No lady wants to do that, so please don’t make us.
It is perfectly fine for you not to be into a woman, or even to date more than one person at once, but please let us know. It’s likely we are dating other people or we got the feeling that things were not really going to work out between us. But to string us along, tell us that some girl is just the hommie or even that you’re “kind of” talking to them is crap. We’re adults don’t treat us like children, it’s insulting. Now, without question we may freak a little, but shit, be a man and step up to the plate. In the long run we can’t fault you for the truth, just say it in a tasteful way, there’s no reason to be ugly and overly blunt, hey, we’re still women.
Even if you weren't wooden before when you become a "Real boy" its time to cut the crap.
Secondly, know when your shit just isn’t that tight. My most favorite story happened when one of my ex-boyfriend’s broke up with me like this:
(One warm August evening, my boyfriend at the time was dropping me off at my house)
Him: I really care about you, but I think that we should probably break up. Mostly because I know that you are going to Belgium soon and I know that you’ll be there partying and with your friends, and I don’t want to be the one holding you back…
(Me Thinking: its August, I am going to Belgium in June, OF THE NEXT YEAR)
I reply: You’re right, it’s probably for the best.
Gentlemen, have you ever walked away from telling a woman a real bold faced bullshit lie and think, “Damn I can’t believe I got away with that shit”. You didn’t. She knows you’re lying and she just doesn’t give a fuck. Most likely because she’s glad you ended it so she didn’t have to, because she knows she’s never going out with you again or even just because she doesn’t even think of you enough to call you on your shit.
Realize, right now, before you go on and do anything else with your day, that women are not stupid, naive or brain dead, we just choose our battles. Though not always wisely, we do choose them and if we’re not willing to fight about it, we’re just not that into you. A woman who cares about you and wants any kind of future short or long term with you, is going to call you on your obvious and poorly thought through lies because she knows and believes you are better than whatever crap you were just spouting off to her and wants you to live up to it.
My least favorite lie has happened to me and many of my friends and that’s the “I just don’t want a girlfriend right now” lie. Honestly, that is absolute bullshit. I know you’re thinking that sometimes you just really want to be single, and maybe you do, but if you are dating a woman, spending tons of time with her and genuinely enjoying her company, and she wants to know what’s next, you’re going to consider it. And if you’re on the fence, it is definitely more likely that if you truly care about her and don’t want to fuck things up that you would much rather make her your girl than see another guy get her because you’re playing games.
My good friend dated a guy and at the beginning of their “thing” they talked about how neither of them was looking for anything serious. This was all well and good at first, but six months into this not so serious “thing” it started to get serious. They were spending at least 3 to 4 times a week together, entire weekends, had decided not to sleep with other people and were really getting close. She thought about it and decided that maybe she should ask him what he thought they should do about their situation. He responded with:
“I just don’t think I could give you 100% right now, and I am not ready for a girlfriend”.
Now honestly, if a majority of his week, his sex life, and clearly a lot of his money for these dates was not 100% I don’t want to know what the fuck he does for a girlfriend, because it could be some really creepy shit. Here’s the kicker. That talk basically is where they ended it, because now that the bullshit was on the table things weren’t smelling all that lovely in their relationship. Less then two months later, this ever so dedicated bachelor was not just in a relationship, but was head- over- mother- fucking- heels in love with another girl. We’re talking, trips to see her, facebook wall posts, the whole nine. What the fuck? All he had to say was, “I don’t want YOU to be my girlfriend, and here is why…” That one switch of a word or extra statement to show that you actually have a pair is more appreciated than you may ever know. Telling the truth is giving respect and with that one useless lie he not only disrespected her, but the entire relationship that they had had over the last 6 months, and for what? So he didn’t have to have an extra “talk” or express his true feelings. Spare me.
In the end, remember that lying is a tool of the weak, the weak at heart, mind, and soul. So instead of telling these lies, and then having to apologize for them, or better yet digging your self into a deeper hole of lies because of them, just man up. Tell her the truth and take what comes with it, good and bad. And then, as one of my favorite poets put it, instead of being sorry all of the time you can enjoy being your self.
Lies that you should remove immediately from your bullshit rotation:
- I just don’t want a girl friend right now
- She’s just my friend, I swear.
- Any lie that includes an order of events of which you’re unsure of
- That dress looks amazing on you (when you know it doesn’t)
- Any thing that has to do with STI’s or STD’s-you just don’t play with some ones health like that, damn.
- The number of women you’ve slept with
- How interested and even how uninterested you are in a woman
- Anything ending in: I’m doing this for you
Next Week: When Women Do it We’re Crazy Bitches, But When Men Do it They’re Caring and Just Trying To Express Themselves…I think Not, You’re Creeping Us The Hell Out.