Pieces of you…

Saw this quote and poem thought I’d pass it on…happy Friday.

“Men get to be a mixture of the charming mannerisms of the women they have known”

-F.Scott Fitzgerald

He had taken her ability to look deeper into life, into people, into himself, because she always did in life and with him.

He stole anothers passion for travel. She had taken him places with out even leaving their room, her voice could transport, her expressions flew.

He borrowed the next one’s thirst for knowledge from any source. The books she read and exhibits she saw were new to him and he loved them and her.

He took ones quick tongue right out of her mouth, and still anothers intensity for love and lust right out of her soul, as she had plenty to spare.

They gave these things willingly and almost without even noticing that they were gone, because they all had enough to share…

…and he wanted it all not just because of their beauty or talents but so he could leave with more than a chip on his shoulder, a distant memory or a broken heart. He wanted to hold on to it and  make it his own as he had wanted to with them and when she came along he’d have it all to give and she’d know and love him for it.

–Anonymous

Just something to make you think…there is almost always a reason for a person to come into your life…find it and make it matter.
xoxo

The Peter Pan Syndrome

Peter Pan never wanted to grow up. He wanted to be a boy forever. He actively recruited other boys to stay with him in Never Never land and be boys FOR.EV.ER. Yup, their whole lives, play in the forest, fight pirates, stay up late, play childhood games, have crushes on cute little girls, the. whole. nine. Starting to sound a little bit f-ing ridiculous? Yeah, it’s because it is. Though for some reason it is just the route that some men seem to want to take. They want to play games, bs, and act like they don’t know they’re grown for as long as possible. Not only is it annoying, it’s pretty damn silly.

We’re not tinker bell. We don’t have any pixie dust that will magically make things better, make you grow up or change your childish ways. There are just some things that you have to do for your selves. I was talking to a friend the other week and she mentioned that she keeps meeting these men who are caught in the Peter Pan syndrome, before I even asked for clarification, I knew exactly what she was referring to. I knew she was referring the numerous men she had dated that were grown, with jobs, time, money, and a little bit of common sense, that still wanted to act, date, think, and treat women like they did when they were 15.

I challenge you to think, am I still trying to be Peter Pan? Am I waiting for a woman to come along and magically move me into being a real man? And don’t sugar coat your answers for your selves. I for one have been dubbed the 8 year old by my closest friends. I like to be silly, act young, have fun, etc, but when it comes to relationships I don’t want to have ones that I had when I was in high school. Not just because they weren’t all that fun, but because the way I think has evolved, the way I treat people has changed, the conversations I engage in and the overall approach I take to relationships is different. All of that to say, I don’t want to date someone I could have dated ten years ago.

No one wants to be your mom. It’s not cute, not cute at all, to have to act like a grown mans mother when you’re his girlfriend/date. A woman doesn’t want to have to reprimand you, question your general level of common sense or try and decipher your useless games.  No woman that you want to be with is interested in treating you like a child.

So for all you boys who want to be forever young, running around in stockings and cute caps, or baggy pants and Yankee fitteds what ever your pleasure, get this, you’re not going to look in a woman’s purse and see the magical fairy dust that will snap you out of this “phase”. I don’t have many personal stories this week, I haven’t run into any of these green legged boys lately and hope not to ever again (which is clearly wishful thinking)…but I thought I’d speak out for my girl and all of the other ladies out there that are going through this. It’s time to grow up boys, you know you want to get with Wendy and we all know she can’t stay in Never Never land with you.

…And you say she’s just a friend…

I have a decent amount of male friends and most of their girlfriends, um well they hate me. No real reason, I’ve done nothing, I don’t want their man, I act as I always have with them and I am cool with them having a girl….but still, they hate me. Ah well, I will without question live, happily, but it begs the question, how do you deal with female friends when you are in a relationship?

Now, I have guy friends whose girl I am actually really cool with (okay it was just like 2 but still counts) and then I have had other guy friends that don’t want me to get all bff-y with their gf because well it’s our friendship, and that again is fine with me as well. But I’ve also had the select few of girlfriends that will fabricate stories of my rude or off putting actions that were not only fallacious, but kind of fucking stupid and then relay them to their boyfriend as truth. Prompting them to ask me about it and prompting me to laugh heartily and inform them that their girl should “put the crack pipe down”.

I respect greatly the man that can have female friends while in a relationship. Girls…like guys…get insecure. They see their man around other women and go on the defensive, which makes having female friends just that much more difficult. Now, this doesn’t mean you can’t have them, especially if you knew them before your girl. If you’re honest with both of them, then well everything should work out fine, but I see no reason not to have them just because your girl has some insecurity issues, she signed up to date you, friends and all.

There is also the question of can man and woman ever JUST be friends. My answer is yes. Others…well, they’d say no, never, one or the other always wants something more. I don’t buy it mostly because I have guy friends that I want nothing more than friendship with and who have never tried me…not once, I swear. People who don’t side with me on this would say that there is really no way to have just a friend, either the girl or guy wants more or has at least considered more and just can’t say it. If this is the case for a guy and he has a girl, well I suppose I’d say, be smart. If you know you want to do it with your female friend and you have a girl now or she’s expressed that she wants to do it with you and you have a girl now, don’t get into situations where your friendship will come into question, if you want to date your friend…try and do that, don’t get a girlfriend just because and F it up, what’s the point?

Side note to this: Don’t Be Oblivious. I hate when men try and act all coy and unknowing when a female friend is into them, or they act different around them. We know, and your girlfriend will know, if your female friend wants to do it to you six ways from Sunday and twice on holidays. Mostly because girls know other girls, but also because it is usually most likely obvious. Don’t ignore the signs and don’t try and maintain the same level of friendship knowing she’s thought about your kids together. Be honest with your self and take a step back…that is, if you don’t feel the same way.

Tell your girl the deal. If you and your female friend have a past, let her know. Girls know things. Like they just know them for no reason, I swear. So if there is something that happened or you and your female friend used to date, tell your girl. No reason to hide it and make things awkward when it comes up, just go for it. Tell her you dated for 3 years, 3 months, had a hot 3 days in the Bahamas, or a hot 3 hours after a party in college, if you’re friends, for real, it shouldn’t be a problem.

Keep the lines of communication open, let her know where you two are going, if that is all it takes to assuage any worries, what’s the harm with checking in? If you start to be vague or mysterious about your outings with your friend, well there is nothing left to do but be suspicious, and for what, so you two can go watch the football game at a bar and she doesn’t know…uh yeah, no.

I say keep em’…especially when they were there before your girl and will definitely be there long after. Female friends are useful and fun and I think an important part of any well balanced man’s life. But use your head, think of how you would feel if/when the situation is reversed and she’s all buddy buddy with her good looking, 6 foot 5, former basketball player, fireman, ex-fling, yeah exactly…wouldn’t sit well ay.

What are You So Scared of?

So, my friend is…er…was…well I guess is, dating a guy. They live in different states. He asked her to come visit. It went great. Weekend was amazing, sex was good, conversations flowed easily.

Before the trip they talked/texted daily, since she’s returned home…nothing. One or two responses to an e-mail or text, but all very generic and short.

Now, in our girl minds we’ve taken into account that he hasn’t been in a relationship in years and the last one he was in ended poorly. She broke his heart, and whatever other awful things heartless girls are doing to you poor defenseless men out there these days (smile). And we have decided that he is just “scared” because he likes her but hasn’t been in a situation like this in a while. Now, this could easily all be bullshit. But if in this case it isn’t: Is being scared/nervous/unsure really a reason not to try out something that could be great?

I know that personally I have been scared of the awful things that could happen before dating someone seriously and most of my friends have too, but I’ve worked pretty hard an not letting it stop me from doing what seems right, or natural. And when I reflect it was only my fear of rejection or immaturity that stopped me…but knowing now that without having done those things I wouldn’t have experienced some great people or had some awesome stories for this blog…I have no regrets.

So I guess on this fine Monday afternoon, I can’t help but wonder, if we all have something to lose but also something to gain…what are you guys so scared of?

xoxo

The Opposite of Love…

She broke your heart. Told you lies. Made you question love, life….even yourself. Fuck her. You hate that B anyways, she was useless, lazy in bed, selfish, talked to damn much and just plain old didn’t get you. You hate her. Fine. Now that that’s over, move on.

The opposite of love is not hate, or anger its indifference. You hating her, trashing her name and plain old treating her as if she is the scum of the earth, is exactly what tells her you’re still just that into her. And trust me women just as much as men feed off of any emotion you have to offer.

Over the past week, as it is with many of my posts, I have been talking a lot with friends about this exact concept. Now it is especially useful on men because well, us women are seen to be over emotional and always looking to express something, so the second it seems as if we just don’t give a damn, well that’s when you know you’ve lost us.  When a woman is mad at you and telling you about yourself, you know that you’ve still got her, she might be mad right now, but what matters is that she has some kind of emotion towards you. The second that emotion is gone, she is cordial but not overly nice, talks to you if needed but otherwise keeps her distance in a respectable way and just in general can’t be bothered to put anything else into you or your relationship…well then, you know you’re old news and she’s just not that into you anymore.

Women get this too, if a guy I’m dating cares enough to be mad at me, I may feel bad for a moment, but I realize that at least he feels something, at least he cares enough to feel, and then I am thankful for that, and see what I can do to make whatever it is right again. Indifference pushes the one in the wrong to actually think about what they’ve done, they don’t have your reaction to go off of so they have to go with what they feel, it promotes inner reflection, thought, and then realization that the next move if there is one, has to be their own.

I'm SO over you!....uh yeah, right.

This carries on into your next relationship as well. The new girl shouldn’t have to deal with your past relationship just to start a new one, trust me we have enough shit going on in our heads about what is or isn’t happening to have to start thinking and worrying about why you still have so much emotion invested in the last girl. If you’re mad that means you still have issues, if you still have issues, tell her, its not a deal breaker, she isn’t going to decide she just isn’t that into you because you used to be so into someone else, but I am sure she would at least like to know, I mean I would. I’ve only had one friend who honestly would go a little bat shit over her bf having any kind of relationship with his ex, like she wanted to just pretend the other girl never existed. To say that she often went to extremes to make this happen is an understatement, but she, as much as I love her, was an extreme case.

We know, especially when you hit your mid-twenties, that we are not going to find a man that is completely baggage free. There is no one that has nothing that they are carrying into their next relationship, but it’s how you address it that counts. I am tempted to reference one of the great Sex and the City episodes where Carrie’s new boyfriend gets a voicemail from his ex while she is at his house and he gives the double middle finger to the machine as she is talking. Not only was that shit hilarious, but it signaled that he clearly had some issues to work out.

Back to indifference…Women like men strive off of any little bit you give them. They analyze it, talk it over with their friends, question its motives and then rest on the fact that they are just going to have to wait and see. Say your girl seems “too busy” to hang out and she starts to schedule you in on certain days of the week, like “Well I see Mike on Saturday’s”. Say you don’t like just seeing her on Saturday and you’ve tried to tell her, she says she has other things going on, you get mad, she responds by still just seeing you on Saturday’s and you don’t think there is anything else to do besides suck it up or end it. Let me suggest this, next Saturday be busy. And the Saturday after that, make plans with the guys. If she isn’t going to make your relationship a priority, then why should you? Now, when you’re doing this, don’t have an attitude or act vengeful just tell her very straightforward and calmly that you “have other plans”. Your laid back demeanor, and relaxed tone will signal to her your over being mad about it, and she will get that you being over anger could mean you will be over her soon…and she’ll most likely find another day during the week to see you. It is not a game, its attitude adjustment. Everyone wants to know that they have some kind of control in their relationship. If they realize they don’t have control over you, regardless of how much you may let them believe they do, they will catch on quick and change their bullshittin’ ways.

You don’t have to be angry, vengeful, rude or mean, its just not worth it. People do what they want, simple fact. So until you challenge their wants by making them question how much you care about them, they will not have to reevaluate. So, hold your ground, calmly state your wants/needs/dislikes, and put on your poker face boys.

This is Amazing…

Just got this link on a listserv, pretty much some of the funniest shit I’ve heard in a while…listen to the whole thing….it’s awesome. This is also a perfect example why it is wack to give your number out to be nice…fo shame.

Why Some Girls Stay Single…

http://melodymaker.posterous.com/the-reason-some-girls-stay-single-very-funny

xoxo

It’s The Most Wonderful Time of the Year…

Welp folks, its that time of the year again, the Octoberfest Sam Adam’s has hit the bars, the Pumpkin Spice Latte’s are flowing freely from every Starbucks in town and the leaves are a turnin’, that’s right… it’s time to find someone to shack up with for the winter.

Now, some call it a winter boo or lover, but whatever term you use, the feeling is all the same, you need someone to keep you warm on those snowy, cold nights. In my younger and slightly less mature days, I was convinced that this was the only time of the year that anyone, man or woman needed a significant other. I was absolutely convinced that for 4 or 5 months (depending on your geographical location, in Boston it’s sometimes six) it was great to have a man or woman, and for the rest, well, play it by ear I suppose, but it wasn’t all that necessary.  Though my thoughts on significant others have changed drastically I still understand the value in finding someone for the winter time.

Think about it, days are getting shorter and the nights longer, there’s a chill in the air leading into freezing cold or snowy nights and well shit it’s the holiday’s. There are holiday parties, gift exchanges, mistletoe popping up around every corner, not to mention, new years. I’d include Valentine ’s Day in there for those of you who celebrate it, I personally think it’s ridiculous, though kudos to Hallmark on a job well done.

Now is the time. I know we all want to bask in the last few days of summer that have been lingering in some cities for the last week or two, but as you are laying out in the grass, sipping late afternoon martini’s on an outside patio or throwing on that summer outfit before the days of coat check and losing scarves begin don’t forget it’s also planning season.

This season or idea has no gender, there is no right or wrong way to go about getting one, there is just the cold hard fact that you definitely need one. It’s not about a jump-off, friend with benefits or any of those other surface relationships, in my opinion you legitimately find someone that you can tolerate spending nights with, enjoying Bailey’s spiked hot chocolate with while watching a movie and actually hold a conversation with, in case God forbid you get snowed in one day and have to spend all day in bed with them…

Why do you think there are so many June babies? That’s right, There’s really no other reason. I’m not saying you have to go get preggers or anything crazy like that, but realize the situation and that soon you are going to want the company of someone that can make it through the entire season…

No one in their right mind wants to go out in this...at least not alone

When I started writing this and mentioned the topic to one of my girls she said she hoped I’d be giving a bit of advice on how to actually get one. I am not man getting expert, different things work for different people, but I thought of the top five things that will aid in the search for the winter boo. There are a few things that you can personally do in preparation and when you meet the potentials…

1. Get out of your summer dating mentality. I know, summer is a great time to be single, date a little, hit the beach, meet a girl/guy, travel kiss boys or girls you’ll never see again in states or countries you’ll never visit again or just have a fling, I get it, it’s fun, I’ve been there. Thing is, that’s just not going to fly year round kids.
2. Don’t go off of looks alone. We’re all drawn to a cute face or nice body, but be sure that when you are looking for someone to spend this time with, that on your first night in you won’t be running for the exit, even if it is 10 below.
3. Be consistent. If you want him/her over when it’s cold or you need company and then when they ask for the favor to be returned you fail to follow through, it’s most likely that you are going to end up in the cold alone before spring hits. We all know it’s chilly, we feel lazy, and don’t want to throw on all that snow gear, but sometimes you just have to sacrifice.
4. Keep it interesting. A lot of the time these relationships are based on inside activities, after a few times hanging out you may start to run out of things to do that take up more of your time together than a cool 45 mins to an hour or two. Think of some things, games, movies, projects or maybe even outings depending on your weather conditions that will keep both of you interested.
5. Don’t shit where you eat. This is honestly my only real piece of advice ever when dating. Not that I personally follow it all the time, or ever, but it’s definitely the best advice I have. Whether it is work, school, mutual friends etc. it is a slippery slope. This slope gets even steeper and even slippery-er when it’s a winter boo. The thing about them is that you just don’t know how long they will be around, if it is in fact just for a season, there is definite potential for awkwardness during the other three of the year.

Those are the best ones I can think of, and most universal as well. Some of you may have others, please feel free to share them.  Whatever your thoughts on how to go about getting one, if you should have one and what you should do when you get one, remember that, everyone needs one. If you are in a relationship now, well, my best advice is…don’t fuck up. No one wants to get dumped in the winter and it’s the worst time to lick your wounds of relationships past by far.

Best of luck to you all during the searching season…

Till It’s Gone…

Joni Mitchell said it best: you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone. On top of that reoccurring thought lately, I’ve also been listening way too much to some other musical geniuses (insert sarcasm here) Mario and Gucci, for the last week and damn do I hate to admit it, but I looooove Breaking Up, in my car, on my runs, and walking with my headphones on I’m listening…(sigh) it’s good to get that off my chest. Though what my excessive repeat of that song has allowed me to really get is what the fizzuck they are actually saying. This dude is for real like: I know I’ve cheated, lied, treated you like shit, but damn, I bought you some nice earrings…don’t leave me. Wtf?

This slowly but surely brings me to my point, if you love her, like her, need her, act like it. Honestly, there is really no reason not to, if you are on the fence and you aren’t sure where it’s going or if she is the one that is perfectly fine, but there is no reason to treat her like shit because you’re confused. Your honesty and good character is vital, so that if you realize you’ve fucked up after you’ve left her, you at least have a chance to go back.

Women rarely burn bridges. They don’t like to cut ties, stop talking completely, or have absolutely NO connection with you what-so-ever after a relationship. This is especially true if it was a physical relationship as well. They don’t want to have to say they can’t even TALK to a guy who they have slept with, and they want to know that they could try and get back if the situation was right for both of you in the future. When a woman you are with burns a bridge, you’ve royally fucked up. She is saying she wants nothing else to do from you, no words, no over expression of emotion just to get the last bit of hurt out, nothing, she’s done. She is so done she doesn’t even have to erase your number from her phone because she isn’t even tempted to call you, and knows that even during a crazy night she wouldn’t even accidentally send you a drunk text, because she REALLY is just not that into you at all anymore, and will never be again…and that’s some shit.

You put down the kerosene...and she just may light that match.

I know many guys who have realized just a little bit too late that the one that got away was THE one for them. Some others, don’t know it because it is happening right now, and still others who will try and are trying to convince them selves that they are better off or will be finding someone better soon. Now, its not that there is no coming back from a bad break up or that there is just one person out there for you, but sometimes its just not as easy as one would like to assume.

In my eyes, there is no reason to treat someone that you once cared about at some point, like you could care less if they were laying on the side of road somewhere with one leg. If you are going to lie, mess around or just not treat her the way you want to be treated, then take a break, see how you feel without her for a bit and move on from there, there is no reason to test your luck, which most likely won’t be all that good.

My girl was with her boyfriend for FOUR years, in adult years that might as well be 8 as far as I am concerned. After a certain age you aren’t in long term relationships just for fun anymore. She loved him, moved for him, and tolerated his bullshit, games and inconsistency for a while, until she just couldn’t do it anymore. At some point she realized not only was it not how she wanted to be treated, but that she couldn’t grow with him and as much as she tried to make it work, as much time as she put into it and as often as she ignored advice of others that she could not ignore the inevitable. So after a lot of thought, she told him, she was done. She calmly and confidently told him that it was over for her and she was moving on and moving away, and she did. After four years of all his ridiculousness she was finally done. Not even a week after she had left, he was calling, texting and without invitation buying tickets to come half way across the country to see her, and when he wanted to know if she was excited to see him, she responded with “I don’t care what you do, I didn’t invite you, this is your choice” This is how he knew she wasn’t just doing it for show or to get him back, she was tapping out for good. And he kept his ass right where he was.

No one is perfect, there is no perfect man, woman, situation, relationship, there will be issues, but those issues don’t have to break you. Even if a situation doesn’t seem ideal at the moment, no one says that it can’t change in the next month, week or day for that matter. Whether its distance, a disagreement or just a difficult talk or confession you have to make there is a greater chance of figuring those things out with someone you truly care about then finding someone else who everything works out perfectly with.

I say this hoping that guys will put in just 3.5 minutes more of thought before they do things. Before you kiss that random chick, spout off at the mouth for no good reason, disrespect your girl or even just start doing shit you know you wouldn’t want done to you. If you don’t she just may burn that bridge and if she does you’ll find out if that old saying about there being more fish in the sea is true because you’ll be swimming across it.

Dating Your Friend’s Ex…Is it ever okay?

I’m pretty sure that somewhere in Man Laws and Women Rules there is a rule/law in bold letters that says: there will be no dating of a friend’s ex-anything. Normally, I have followed this rule blindly because I didn’t see anything wrong with it in its most simple and fundamental form, but I recently have been left to question, is there ever an exception to this rule?

I personally have thought of a few scenarios that would allow for this ban to be lifted and the two parties to get together, such as:

They were never official. Say your friend was only dating this other person for a few months, it was never that serious and they ended it on amicable terms, there was no love, there was no sex, it was just preliminary dating. They did in fact like each other, but does their non-exclusive past relationship really keep all of your friends from dating that girl/guy?

Your friend has moved on. They’ve married the man/woman of their dreams and honestly could care less about past relationships that they had, or at least they say so. They have their own life to worry about and new relationship to work on, does it really matter at that point? If they were still territorial after marriage, should they even be married or should they still be dating because they haven’t let it go yet?

You think you may have found your soul mate. So I am not sure there is one person for everyone, but there may be a couple really awesome people just for you, what if your friend’s ex is one of those people? How could you even be sure that you’re ever going to meet the handful of other people that you connect with like that? You can’t, is it worth going for it then, just in case?

This is a touchy subject for some, do you want your friend to have more success with the one you let get away or even the one who played you to the left. It leaves you questioning your self, and what it is that they’ve got that you don’t. And then you ask yourself is your momentary doubt in self confidence worth keeping two people who it could work for apart?

Dating a friend’s ex-anything is dangerous, if that shit doesn’t work out, you may look just as foolish as they did and have to listen to “I told you so’s” for months to come. Or even worse if you take a risk and ruin a friendship to date someone you know you shouldn’t and it doesn’t work out then you’re left without a friend or a partner. Now, I am a firm believer that you have to live the answers. You never want to go into a relationship doubting it from the beginning, but being cautious can never hurt.

A while back on that ridiculous honesty box on facebook I got a message that said: “If it wasn’t breaking the code, I’d really like to date you. From the pictures I’ve seen and the few times I saw you in life, you’d be great for me.” Now when I asked what code exactly this anonymous gent was referring to, he let me know that I had in fact dated someone who he was good friends with. I took that as a justifiable answer at the time, but thinking about it now, I almost couldn’t imagine why it really was that serious. If I was meant to be with your friend wouldn’t I still be with him?

Another time I had a really good friend come to my house and tell me that she had started dating a guy I used to date. I personally knew there was nothing to come of things between me and said guy, so if she had come to my house and told me the truth about what was going on (which I already knew, because well, someone always knows and is willing to pass on information) it really would have been fine. I would have told her good luck, its cool with me, but when she came to me months after whatever it was had started and told me half truths about things that I knew the whole story on, I was pissed. I wasn’t upset that she was dating this guy, we had nothing serious, but that my friend came to me and wasn’t willing to give me the whole truth after having waited so long to even tell me in the first place, it was insulting. For a while it looked like that, could have broken us, there was a minor blow up a few days later when I had simmered with the idea of how she had presented the information to me, but I got over it. We all make mistakes but there are some that can just be avoided.

I know it is often hard to determine when enough time has passed, if the relationship was more serious than you may know, or if it would truly hurt your friend if you did something like this. The best idea I have is pretty simple, ask. You’re clearly friends for a reason, and if their ex is moving you this much then you should buck up and talk to your friend. Now there is always the possibility that they will give you a reluctant yes, and honestly, as much as we would like to ignore it, we all know what that through the teeth f-this-fool-for-even-asking kind of yes, looks like. Take that hint and fall back, but if it is a genuine yes, and you’ve talked about it, I don’t see why not. If it’s a no, respect it, if you can’t, well you risk losing friend. For some people it wont ever be worth the risk, for others love/lust just may be, they’d say “you can’t choose who you love”, I’d like to add, that you can choose who you hurt.

The Serial Monogamist

I know that many people assume that it’s mostly or only women who are constantly in relationships or who have a new significant other before the wounds from the previous one have even healed. I would like to present to you the male serial monogamist.

This is the guy who gets dumped or breaks up with his girl and sooner than you think is possible he is all booed up as if the other girl never happened. He moves from girl to girl, he’s constantly in love, and never alone. Now, there are pros and cons to this guy. He is with out a doubt extremely loyal, will be completely committed to you, and will be open and willing to share those feelings whenever you may want to hear them. Cons, well just the fact that when or if it does end a girl is left to wonder if it all really mattered, because without a doubt he will have a new girlfriend, wifey, or in some lucky cases fiancé in a few months or weeks.

My issue with this type of guy is that he makes me wonder: Do you know yourself without a woman?  Who are you alone? There is a benefit to being single for a little while, deciding who you are, what you like and don’t like, and even what it is that is ending all of these relationships that you are in.

Even if you aren’t a serial monogamist it is vital to know who you are before you get in any relationship. Knowing who you are, what you like and don’t like and how you want to be treated is vital to being a good boyfriend or husband. Not knowing who you are leaves you open for not only changing the things that attracted your girl in the first place, but leaving yourself open to getting changed into something you didn’t plan on being. I read just the other day: Women go into a relationship hoping that they can change the man they are with and men go into a relationship hoping that their woman doesn’t change. Know that she is most likely trying to change you, know that people out side of that relationship do not want to see that happen, they like who you are now, and she should learn to as well.

I know this all sounds a little preachy, and I am in no way a relationship doctor or anything of the sorts, but I know what I’ve seen and dated and I know that there are somethings that aren’t said or addressed that should be. Take from it what you may, and believe me when I say,  most girls don’t want the guy who’s already been everyone else’s boyfriend already.

To all of you serial monogamist, you know who you are, you are the one reading this and questioning if that could be/is you, if you’re asking, you’ve already answered. It’s okay, to be that guy, I’ve dated one, know friends who have and have nothing against them, but remember the most important relationship that you will ever have is with your self, so when or if she plays you, dumps you, does it with your best friend, you should give your self time to heal and space to learn and grow, before moving on to the next girl.